King Me and Kiss It
by Kelsenellenelvial Gil-Ravadry
Summary: Games are a compromise between intimacy and keeping intimacy away. At least, that's how Yami is seeing it, but he rather be seeing more of Yugi and less of Kaiba, please. YamiXYugi. onesidedYugiXSeto. oneshot.


**A/N's: I do love a good YamixYugi story, but YugixKaiba has always sort of pleased me as well. I've always had a soft spot for the deuteragonist, and that's Kaiba is there ever was one. This is told from Yami's point of view, as first person is easiest for me to write. (So long as I now the character, of course, but to me Yugi is just a pointy-haired enigma.)**

**()()()  
**

That little crooked smile's always present on his face whenever he's thinking. It's funny how, for someone who smiles so much, the indication of his true feelings is a little crooked smile when his face is so suited for large, generous ones. His eyes are always dancing and it's clear that he's happy, but I will always memorize the little crooked smile.

I think it was his sixteenth birthday when I first noticed his little crooked smile. We had just come back from Duelist Kingdom, and he was still dressed in the same clothes he'd worn all journey. He went up to his room to get his clothes prepared for a shower and I talked a little to him from the puzzle, from my side of our shared heart. At first, he was frowning; he highly disapproved of my antics. But I talked him out of being so angry in the shower. I took the time to talk to him, to listen to his point of view and reassure him. I even cracked a few jokes along the way, at the expense of Seto Kaiba and his attitude, but I don't think he took them very well. Certainly not the joke about Kaiba.

"You know, Yami, he's not all that bad," Yugi protested as he stood under the stinging spray of the shower. I rolled my eyes in response.

_No, of course not, not to you anyway, Little One,_ I retorted. _You're a small, polite person. To him, I'm his number one rival._ Yugi sighed again and scrubbed at a spot of correction fluid on his arm, where it had been smashed against his paper by mistake. I continued fluidly for another couple of minutes; he swears that I can wax poetic about the oddest things; did he ever tell you about my monologue on Tea?-but that's a story for another day. The thing is, I made a joke about the good CEO's mother doing something very improbable with a water cockroach, and my little one rose to his defense with the utmost vehemence.

"That's so mean, Yami!" A somewhat inadequate response, but the delivery was most passionate and had I been a drama teacher, I would have given him ten out of ten for it.

_Why? It's probably true!_ He glared and I decided to back off just a bit. It was then that the little crooked smile made itself known.

"Yami?" He asked softly as he was toweling off. He interrupted me from my sleep; I was just dozing off and then he woke me up again. He was still wearing that odd slight smile on his face. I could feel and see it.

It was then that it morphed into the little curved smile that I now know so well.

_Yes?_ I grumbled in reply, displeased at being woken up.

"…Thanks."

I roll my eyes, but am too tired to actually be bothered relieving him of the notion that I was trying to cheer him up. I wasn't. No matter what I say, though, that little crooked smile says that he knows so much more and so much better, which he doesn't. Supercilious little thing, the Little One is.

The second time I saw his little crooked smile was when Mokuba asked him if he wanted to share a room on a camping trip everyone had some how been dragged into. Contrary to popular belief, I am _not_ a pervert, and I did _not_ make any cracks about Yugi and Mokuba being pillow friends. Oh, I protested volubly. I threatened to sing '99, 999, 999 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' in perfect Egyptian until he revoked his decision and slept alone, but being the kind-hearted little thing that he is, Yugi could not say no and he threatened to cut me off from my beloved supply of Gummi Bears until I accepted the fact that he was going to be rooming with my…well, not my arch nemesis, but the next closest thing. So, you know, I went along with it…but I digress. Where was I again…? Ah, yes, his little crooked smile. After I promised that I would `behave and not insult Kaiba-kun', that annoying little crooked smile appeared on his face once more. I like to think that it was directed at me, but I think he was directing it at Seto.

Yugi's little crooked smile, funnily enough, is as versatile as it is puzzling. It always appears on his face when he's trying to sort things out between Joey and Tristan, who argue almost as much as Yugi and I do. It's almost as though he's amused to see them squabbling, and is only trying to solve their problems because he doesn't want a fuss. I remember how he was being told off by Grandfather one time, because he dropped a bowl of hot soup on the carpet after tripping over himself, but…well, I guess he overdosed on Prozac that day (I'm kidding!), because instead of cowering under his grandfather's wrathful gaze like he normally would, he gave her that crooked smile. Okay, so there was a blush on his cheeks, but still…the look on his face was so enigmatic I began to rethink my opinion of my Little one.

Throughout the course of our short (but interesting) escapades, I came to appreciate Yugi's little crooked smile more than ever. I could recite four or five more instances in which the little crooked smile played in his favor, but I'm not going to go into detail. That would be boring, and Heaven forbid I bore you. I'm Yami, for crying out loud.

It was one of those times in the library with Seto Kaiba. Again they had been assigned to work together (I swear, Ra up there has a weird sense of humor) and they were both poring through tomes of information. Yugi was smiling happily as usual and Kaiba…well, he was Kaiba. Enough said. So there I was, keeping an eye on the CEO just in case he decided to let his egotistic nature come out, and Yugi was chatting to him. They stayed like that for a couple of hours, then I noticed my rival was starting to squirm. Now, I don't know if you've ever _met_ him in person, but he is quite imposing. Not as imposing as me, but he's got something about him anyway (no, I _don't_ have a thing for him. I appreciate the challenge, not the players). The thing is, Kaiba; to Yugi that'd be Seto, was squirming like a little child. He of the many all-nighters, he of the still and patient disposition was wriggling like a little child in a theatre in the middle of Hamlet.

I prodded Yugi a couple of times, pointing this out. Funnily enough, he didn't care. He just kept blowing me off with that little crooked smile and the words, "He's fine," which in my opinion should be banned from the English language all together.

_Yugi,_ I growled. _He is squirming. If he acts like that, either he's trying to restrain challenging me or else he wants to do something to you._

My little ball of personal sunshine shot me that crooked smile of his, and continued to repeat his new mantra whilst scanning through the book he was holding. "Seto," at this point, he gently placed a hand on the other's arm and I swear, the brown-haired guy _jumped _several Egyptian Cubits. "Are you okay?"

He fixed Yugi with that intense gaze of his, and true to form (guess he decided to lay off the Prozac, huh?) my Little One started to blush under it. Then the most startling thing happened: Kaiba or should that be Seto?-leaned forward and gently grasped Yugi's wrist and pressed his mouth against his. The first thing that ran through my mind, funnily enough, was _irritation_. It wasn't irritation at such a weird thing; honestly now, in the course of five hundred years you see a lot of things; but I was irritated that he was moving in _my_ territory. I tease Yugi, and so do his mother and grandfather, and so do Joey and Tea and many of his other classmates, but that's friendly teasing. Only _I'm_ allowed to tease Yugi like that, and therefore the CEO was intruding. Without thinking, I possessed Yugi's body without so much a second thought and shoved him to the back of my mind, telling him to behave. _Time to teach Kaiba a lesson,_ I gleefully thought.

Pressing forward further, I let Kaiba continue `giving me CPR' (I refuse to call it kissing) until he started trying to open my mouth. Now that was just a little too much; doesn't this guy know when to quit? I pushed back gently and scrambled away, trying to look scared. Funnily enough, it wasn't that difficult. I shut my eyes, pretending to be scared witless and ignoring Yugi's shouting in the back of my head. I pushed him away almost brutally and concentrated on Seto, who looked…well, he looked like a kicked puppy. I felt sorry for the guy, I really did, but he was messing about on my turf, and what kind of Yami would I be if I didn't even defend my own half?

"You know," I dryly observed, "it would help if you gave Yugi some warning first, Seto." He flinched a little at the formality in my tone, and I decided to be a little nicer. Ra knows Seto's not exactly Mr. Sensitive.

Seto narrowed his eyes. "What right do you have?" He hissed back. Ooh, venomous. Well, I was just fine with that, and Yugi's guise helped me even more.

"Well, you know, usually the object of your affections should _know_ what you're about to do," I lightly replied. "Besides, Little One's not at all interested in you." Then I cursed myself for this careless remark, as my counterpart, one could say, was definitely going to challenge this.

"And just how would you know? You take everything, uncaring of the other's feelings!"

I leaned forward and gently tapped his nose. "Ah, so righteous. Tell me, Seto Kaiba, just because everyone does it…does it make the deed _right_?" For the first time since this whole fiasco, he actually looks a little…torn. I guess he realized that he dug himself into a hole. Then Yugi snatched control away from me again and to my infinite horror, as soon as the CEO looked up, he _kissed_ him. Oh…bloody hell. _Yugi, what are you doing?_ I screeched, ignoring the fact that I now sounded like Tea.

He told me to shut up.

When we got home, Yugi looked-and felt-as smug as a lion with a juicy antelope on one of those nature programs. Well, the little bugger would; he just had a make-out session with Seto Kaiba of all people! Needless to say, I was a bit riled. No, I _wasn't_ jealous, stop with the conspiracy theories already will you! I was just annoyed by the fact that after being smooched without warning, Yugi was throwing himself into the active person's arms! I mean, seriously. He's going to be known as the town bicycle soon, what with Tea's gossip circles and his mother. All right, so he didn't sleep with him. So what? You know what gossip's like. So I decided to teach him a lesson. Of course, his little crooked smile popped up again and…well, you know. Things didn't work out so nicely.

_Yugi,_ I whined. _You little…_

-Sorry?- He responded. He opened his eyes wide and gave me the `innocent' look, but I knew better.

_You know full well what I'm talking about,_ I snapped back, irked by how lightly he was taking everything. _Why on earth did you let him…continue?_ Yugi just gave me that blasted enigmatic crooked smile, and I glared even harder. It didn't occur to me until later that our roles seemed to have been reversed.

He continued to smile at me, not saying a single word. Oh, Lord, you have no idea how infuriating it was. Normally I don't lose my temper that easily, but something about that little crooked smile just rubbed me the wrong way. I growled and yet he continued to smile as though nothing had happened. His thoughts, however, were the main trigger. He kept focusing on how good a kisser the CEO was, and it was really getting on my nerves. _Shut…up,_ I grated to him. At the rate I'm going, I'll probably end up with a migraine by the end of the day, and so will Yugi. We share a lot of physical feelings, you know, and headaches aren't an exception.

Of course, Yugi having that little mean streak in him (ha, I bet you didn't know that, did you?), he continued to focus on how…hot and heavy the session was. In my humble opinion, Kaiba was a terrible kisser-technique was sorely lacking-but I guess it's good, as it means that Yugi hasn't `been around the block' yet, so to speak. Wait…I'm digressing again, aren't I. Anyhow, Yugi's still wearing that little crooked smile and calmly picking out a shirt from his wardrobe for tomorrow, so I decide to give him my take on the whole incident. Not that he didn't get the gist of it in the first place, but you know…_Yugi,_ I say. _Why on earth would you think that the Seto is a good kisser in the first place? He has no technique or finesse whatsoever. The only thing he has is determination and the point of kissing is not to see how quickly you can get your partner to play tonsil hockey!_ I pause and check his feelings, but to my surprise there's not much embarrassment. Instead, there's…exasperation?

-Yami, you don't get it, do you?- His voice was somewhat patronizing, but all right; I can take things with a grain of salt. -His…enthusiasm…- I cut him off at this point, catching the hesitation in his voice.

_Oh, the_ enthusiasm, _eh Little One?_ I wink and…score! He's turning slightly red now. I continued blithely, ignoring his now growing embarrassment. _So you like enthusiasm, Yugi?_ He blushed further and mumbled something, and I couldn't help but snicker slightly at the reversal in our roles. _You know, Little One,_ I purred, _I'd be _more_ than happy to show you `enthusiasm'._ With a roguish wink, I block him off and settle back to watch the ensuing frustration. Yugi didn't thwart me, but he wasn't exactly in a great mood afterwards, so I left him alone for the rest of the evening.

Towards nightfall, I re-appeared in his consciousness to see whether he was still a little riled up. No, you dolts; I _wasn't_ concerned for him in that way. Quit with the conspiracy theories already, will you? I just wanted to see if he'd be a little more…amenable. To my surprise, he was all perky and cheerful again, and he welcomed me back with an open mind. -Hi Yami!- I blinked, not expecting such an exuberant welcome.

_Ne, Little One. What is it? Did you get a love letter?_ I mocked him even though it was clear from his attitude that he would much rather not discuss his love life with me. Normally, I wouldn't be interested, but when Seto got thrown into the mix…oh boy, it became the hottest gossip of the day. There was no game to play tonight though, so I had all the time in the world to bug him. _No? Oh, I know. You got a phone call from your boyfriend._ I ignored the tension in his shoulders; even though it was clear that he would much rather not discuss the issue further.

_C'mon,_ I beg shamelessly. _You can tell me._ He ignored me, only stopping to give me one of those patented glares he has down to an art. _Aw, I feel special. Tell me, does Kaiba see that face?_ His expression faltered for just a moment and I almost felt bad for him. Note the almost. Hey, he's my Other Half in nearly every sense of the word; it's my job to make sure he knows exactly what he's getting into each time. _Well, Yugi?_ So what? I'm blunt. Better than those people beating about the bush.

Now I'm here, sitting inside his head, and that pretty much brings you up to speed with everything. _Yugi,_ I prod. _Why did you kiss him? You can't seriously be thinking about a relationship with him. Tea Gardner, ring any bells?_ He continues to ignore me, and I'm left to wonder why he's so defensive all of a sudden.

-Yami,- he says after a pause as he slams the cup of water on the table. -Why do you care?-

I chuckle, although it's more to hide my hesitation in answering than anything else. For some funny reason, the words that come to mind in response to his question aren't the ones that I tell myself. I wonder why? Well; it just means that this whole thing is getting to me more than I thought. _It's my job to keep an eye on you. Part of the Yami job description, don't you know._ He didn't accept that answer; I feel dissatisfaction through our little bond before it's hastily covered up. Fine; I can take the silent treatment just as well as anyone else can.

Throughout dinner Yugi continues to treat me as though I don't exist. I mean, it doesn't hurt as much as it would normally, seeing as I'm invisible to the human eye for the most part, but still…you know, it's annoying being ignored by one of the few people who _can_ see you, no matter what. When that treatment comes from Yugi, you have to wonder whether you did something wrong. Especially when it comes from Yugi.

The little crooked smile didn't make its way onto his face in the next few days, where he was constantly with the Seto. Honestly, it's almost unnerving. Yugi didn't seem particularly inclined to talk to me about anything even remotely related to the annoying rival, so I left things in that state. Then, of course, Grandfather had to go and throw a spanner into the works.

It was just another day where Yugi was at school and I was mooching around in the house. After the Puzzle learned to separate us from each other…you know, it got easier to get away from Yugi and all that. I guess that we both just needed some time away from each other, that's all. So anyways, I was lying on the couch channel-surfing when Mister Grandpappy of the Year comes in, bearing a plate of cookies and a glass of Pepsi. "Yami!" He merrily chirps, "I brought you a snack!" I groan in reply and without missing a beat, he _joins me on the couch._ All right; so normally you wouldn't think much of that, would you, but in this case, I _know_ something's up. Unlike my last guess, this one is deadly accurate. "So, Yami. Care to tell me `what's up' with you and Yugi?" He serenely ignores my choking, passing me the glass and patting me on the back with that omnipresent, inscrutable smile on his face.

_He knows. _Is all I can think.

I right myself and stare at him blankly, hoping to confuse him. It doesn't work. His enthusiasm isn't dimmed one iota and I'm starting to fear that he'll worm everything out of me. Casting around in my mind, I look for a suitably ambiguous and puzzling answer that will take five minutes to process and five more minutes to reply to. _Dammit,_ I think to myself, _Why can't Yugi be around at times like these?_ "…you don't have to worry Yami, your secret's safe with me!" My head jerks up at these ominous sounding words and I gawk at him. Has this old man no shame?

"What are you talking about?" I manage to say with a semblance of smoothness. I try to laugh his words off, but even to my ears the sound's fake and forced. "Grandfather, it's not as though…" He briskly cuts me off, even waving a finger in my face like he would to Yugi.

"Now now Yami, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I know you and Yugi's relationship is on the rocks, and I know something's bugging you. So why don't you just tell me? After all—" My turn.

"After all, my secret's safe with you," I say wryly. Grabbing a cookie, I turn it over in my hands a little before wrapping it up in some tissue from the box on the coffee table and placing it to one side. Heaven alone knows if she put a Truth Serum in it; I know he'd be more than capable of the deed should the occasion arise. And I'd much rather not be spilling my guts out to my Other's mother, thank you very much. "Grandpa…" I try for charm this time, but my heart's not in it. "Please don't worry about me." The elusive phrase from earlier comes to mind and I don't hesitate to use it. "It's just a little thing. It's made between two people, and it should stay between two people." I pat his hand for extra reassurance, but I don't feel as confident as I should. For some reason, Yugi's little crooked smile comes to mind and I can just imagine him standing there, smiling away whilst I try to explain everything without giving away too much. He flaps his hand dismissively at me and for a moment, I can pretend that I'm real and that he's my grandfather in every sense of the word.

"Of course, of course. But sometimes…we all need a little push, hm?" I look at him again, but of course he's wearing that inscrutable look. Just like Yugi.

"What do you mean, `a little push'?" I mildly ask. The key here is to act uninterested; knowing Muto's sadistic nature, he'll probably dangle it in front of my eyes tantalizingly and when I jump, he'll yank it away. Unfortunately, having a grandson has versed Solomon in the ways of teenagers and…and let's face it, he's not stupid. Smiling cheerfully, he gets up, taking the now empty glass with him.

"You know," he says before he returns to the kitchen, "I could help."

"Everyone says that," I call back before returning to my previous activity: killing my brain with bad daytime soaps and quiz shows. I have decided to squander today in front of the television, and no shall tell me otherwise.

**()()()**

"I'm home!" Yugi cheerfully calls that afternoon. I silently count to three in my head and shortly after, I hear the metallic clanging of the gate as it closes down. Judging from the yelp, I guess it barely missed him. Solomon has heightened security from the store to the rest of the house after the recent…strange goings on.

The door swings open shortly and he bursts into the living room, only to be smothered by Solomon. I almost laugh at this; it seems that he has one extra obstacle to deal with now. Then I catch sight of Seto. Fortunately, he hasn't seen me yet and I hastily return to Yugi's mind and within the puzzle.

"So you add this to five and then divide it? What happens to the 7_x_ then?"

Kaiba patiently explains that the 7_x_ no longer exists, as it has been cancelled out by the 14_x_ for the fourth time. Yugi is still scratching his head, completely baffled by the numbers and letters. I snickered at his obvious bewilderment; after all, the concept wasn't difficult and for the short time I had attended school properly, I had been told that I had an inordinate talent for numbers. Then again, I'm good at everything. I'm Yami; it's part of the job requirement.

Time goes by and I notice that the distance between the two is slowly narrowing. _Just like in that cheesy soap…oh wait, all of them are like that,_ I think to myself sardonically. I can just picture the entire scenario, complete with me as the spirit of the dearly beloved, departed boyfriend hovering above them, giving them his blessing with arms outstretched like that biblical figure people are always banging on about nowadays. I snicker to myself. Yeah, right. Like I'd give Seto my blessing. The only thing he can look forward to getting from me is a curse and raspberry.

So anyway, the two lovebirds (that word makes me sick) are gravitating towards each other and I'm sitting there, just watching. Nothing interrupts them, sadly, and they pretty much forget about the homework after a minute or so. Right there and then, I resolve to make Yugi's life a living hell, even if it's just for the night.

Hey; misery loves company.

As embarrassing as it may be, the young couple (can't you hear the sarcasm dripping from that phrase?) are rudely interrupted by Solomon. I must say, the old man wasn't particularly pleased by what he saw and I'm honestly surprised Seto didn't meet his end at the hands of Grandpa Muto that night. Or maybe not; I hear he was asked to join the track team five years in a row and if the demonstration given was anything to go by, he had a nice career as an Olympic track athlete ahead of him should he think of leaving the corporate life behind. Not to mention all the practice I've been giving him during our games of life and death. Grandpa went berserk, Yugi nearly lost control of himself and even I felt a tad homicidal that night. Yugi was grounded and if it weren't for the fact that _I _was miserable too, I would have consoled him. As it was, I merely rubbed it in until he snapped.

_I told you that CEO was a bad choice, but did you listen? Oh no, Ra forbid, you just_ had _to do things your way! Now look at this mess. We're not going to be able to play game besides 'Checkers' for a long time, Yugi, I can tell you that right now._ I would have continued, but I was interrupted at this point.

-What the hell is your point, Yami?- Seems like Yugi's feeling the pinch too. -Is there a problem or something? I know you don't like Seto, but he's a perfectly nice person! It's just that you're forever bickering!- I sense that I've gone too far, but Yugi's letting everything out. -If this is the kind of thing I have to look forward to in life, doing things for everyone but myself, then I don't want to be the King of Games!- Woah, now that was something. –Grandpa's obsessed with you and Joey runs himself ragged just to keep up with us in tournaments!- I think he would have said more, but he stopped himself. Eyes blazing with fury, he glares at me and I guess it wouldn't be far off the mark if I said that he was a lot more than just agitated. Giving up, I decide to have that long overdue tête-à-tête with him. I appear before him in a column of light and land on the floor with a thump. Dang, I always forget that I appear and solidify three inches off the floor.

"Now we can talk properly Little One," I casually say as I lean against the leg of his desk chair. I stretch lazily, ignoring the glare that he's giving me. "Just what's been eating you, anyway?"

He scowls at me before turning away and crossing his arms. I roll my eyes and sigh, uncaring of whether he hears or not. "Are you finished with your tantrum yet?" I ask after two minutes or so. He's still simmering nicely, but a lot better than when he started out. "First off," I begin, "Grandpa _loves_ you, silly Light. Stop thinking that she doesn't love you, because he does! If he didn't, he wouldn't have taken care of you half as well as he did, and he wouldn't try to protect you from Kaiba! He drove him away because he's _worried_ about you, Yugi! Second of all, Joey is helping himself. Do you think he follows us just to follow! He _wants_ to beat us, Yugi. You need to give him a challenge or how else will he feel like he's really won? Grow up and think about that, Yugi! They did it all for you! The Dark Magician threw himself in front of you during Battle City to protect you! They all did. They all risked everything for you and you just can't be bothered to see that!" Taking a deep breath, I stare at him. _That's got to be the longest speech I've ever made in my life_, I think to myself. Yugi stares at me wide-eyed, completely bowled over by my vehemence.

I told you I'm charismatic.

"Stop gawking," I tell him shortly. Suddenly, without warning, he throws himself into my arms and starts sobbing. For a moment, I'm stunned into silence and shock, but then my arms come up and wrap themselves around him. Shutting my eyes, I allow myself to indulge in the fantasy that he does this on a regular basis. (Without the tears, of course.) Then I remind myself sternly that dreams should be left as dreams, and besides, he's got a lovely, _physical_ boyfriend who can satisfy his every whim better than I ever will. He looks up at me with teary red eyes and I smile, ruffling his hair. "Come on, little one," I tease him gently, "Don't be like that." He sniffs and little and gives me a watery half-smile. My breath catches in my throat and I lean forward just a little before catching myself.

I have never claimed to know my Little One inside-out, and at this very moment I am glad. I despise lying, even when it is mere exaggeration, for he surprises me once more as he grabs my shirt and jerks me downwards. I'm not going to lie; it's a clumsy kiss. His mouth slips off mine and leaves a moist trail across my jaw whilst I end up kissing air. We pull away and I chuckle quietly whilst he gives me that little crooked smile of his again. This time, it doesn't infuriate me; it rather…turns me on. Still, no matter how hot under the collar I am, no matter how much I want this, I refuse to do anything with him until he gets that business with that CEO is sorted out. "Yugi," I whisper. "What about Kaiba?" He is back to being Kaiba and rival, in more ways of the word than one. I then cringe at myself for sounding like the hero of a cheesy romance novel. Come to think of it, this whole scenario's just like one, isn't it?

Yugi laughs freely and I wonder fleetingly if he was just stringing the CEO along. "Were you, Yugi?" I urgently ask. Not that I care, you understand. It's just that if he was, well, who was to say that he would not do the same thing to me in the future? "Were you just stringing him along?" The laughter dissolves in a sort of gurgle and his eyes widen.

"I…I don't know." He lowers his eyes, ashamed, and I guess I've pushed things too far. Still, I can't bear the thought of sharing my Little One with the rival, especially when we despise each other so, and so I turn against my instincts, even though I know they've been honed from over five hundred years of playing the game and avoiding the wrong move.

I shut my eyes, but before I return to the recesses of Yugi's mind, I tell him, "Make up your mind." His little crooked smile appears fleetingly on his face for a split second before he buries his face in his hands and shudders once more. This time, I don't do anything, for I, too, am quite close to tears.


End file.
